Gaslighting, Gangstalking, and Ambient Abuse by Proxy

Disgusted, irritated, and convoluted...all words which can describe what has occurred during my time at The University of Toledo Physician Assistant Program.  The Director, associate Director, faculty, medical school, and everyone they are affiliated with conspired against me during my clinical year of 2014 to make me withdraw the last semester of the program before graduation.

Around Fall semester of 13' a classmate invited me out to have dinner at a local pub, his name is Joseph Rose (he has since graduated), and he told me my entire future, and that if I treat my ADHD and go on in the program I would go to prison, he told me "they" would send a girl in to destroy my life, and how I would make mistakes to become a janitor, to go homeless, to be a boxer, to lose my truck, and how in the Pediatrics rotation people would dumb me down, my parents would be involved in the harassment, etc...basically filling my head with a bunch of shit.  A psychological rape.  Now looking back, everyone is playing into the story line he told me.

 My parents and family included conspired against me, and I've lost the opportunity to seek financial aid, or achieve a Master's degree, or obtain any job that I want. I was bombarded with psychological torture everyday in clinic, and my preceptors were less concerned about teaching me anything about medicine, instead they enjoyed being apart of gregarious plan to conspire against me, harass me constantly to the point where I didn't want to continue with the my OB/GYN rotation (6 rotations in).  My cell phone was hacked, emails were hacked, Facebook hacked, and faculty and peers around me were conversing about me in third person everywhere I went, even in clinic.  I was belittled in clinic, farted on in clinic, ask to accomplish petty responsibilities constantly (which had no learning value to becoming a P.A) I was followed everywhere in clinic, in the halls, harassed by janitors (bobbing their heads in windows constantly), harassed by nurses who didn't want to teach me anything or show me any type of procedures. When I complained about the harassment I was told I was delusional, and was sent to a psychiatrist who told me I was delusional, and sent me on a 6 month Leave of Absence, mind you even the psychiatrist was Gangstalking me and using gestures like hand shaking that I was sensitized to...Basically going through the program was a sensitization process where everyone said and did certain gestures, like lots of hand shaking, saying good afternoon, or how are you today.  Outside of my apartment there were guys in suits, and guys wearing suits n tie everywhere I went, cars with hub caps off, tow trucks with hazards on, many vehicles with hazards on etc..cars following me....basically a traumatic process called sensitization.  I was being bullied in third person, by random people who I didn't even know insulting me by describing me and calling me a baboon on a blue bike (because I have a blue mtn bike).  I was and still am being followed in grocery stores, people block you with carts, wait for you and block the items on your grocery list, cause paranoia by moving slowly or fast past the isles your in...there's no in between.  Everyone was wearing sunglasses, another sensitization process, and walk like zombies all in one pace.  Basically people aren't minding their own business, they are there to strictly harass me.  I returned from a LOA, and minded my own business in clinic and was told I couldn't continue because I wasn't acting myself.  I was told it was ok that a P.A -C who was supervising me was allowed to do her bills in clinic, I was told that as a student I wasn't allowed to ask patients if they prefer a male or female during pelvic exams.  Basically I was swindled out of the program, and the psychiatrist told my direct that I was wasn't ready to return, even though I told him all I wanted to do was finish my education...the psychiatrist didn't give me a reason why I shouldn't return, he didn't tell me what I should do, he didn't do a damn thing accept go behind my back and tell the director I can't return. The Director didn't help in any way or fashion, instead she continued with the harassment and gave no mentorship or direction throughout the entire harassment campaign.

 All the while I succeeded in all my clinical rotation exams and end of rotation assignments.  My evaluations were all a set-up as well, and one preceptor blatantly lied about my experience, when I maintained professionalism, he violated it on a few occasions.  So even though I was perfect in rotation, what caught me, was complaining about the harassment, which I first called workplace bullying, but in Heinz site to present, it's all just a stalking campaign to suppress my quality of life.

Still Chugging Along

        Well, we are into Physiology, Interviewing, Health Systems, Clinical Reasoning, and about to be off for the Thanksgiving break.  Exam 1 of 2 for Physiology is the day after break on the 27th, so I have to figure out a way to make sure to properly study during the break, the unforunate thing is that I will be in God's Country on a kayak/camping/bowhunting adventure.  This will be my get away from school, and it should last about 3 days.  My thoughts on the program are still about the same and there has been a few neat things that have occurred.
        We just purchased our medical equipment, so we will be prepared for Spring Semester when we practice Physical Exams and the such.  We will have a briefing on that tomorrow actually from the Associate Dean of the program.
        We had our last taped interview practice, and I just finished my write-up actually.  The course is educational, and helps build the foundation of patient interviews. Way cool. Very patient centered to say the least. It's a bit tough to perform when your being taped though, but eveytime I noticed that my comfortability increases.
        I went to a Community Care Clinic recently to start shadowing the current officer, as I will be taking over once he hits clinicals at the end of the Fall semester.  Clinic for the community is so awesome, and it feels incredible to have the sense of impacting the population in a positive fashion.  There are a lot of individuals that need healthcare, and I couldn't be happier that I'm at the fore front of such care.
         Speaking with the 2nd years, again, I've been told to make sure that I take some time to thoroughly read EKG material prior the Spring semester, over break.  The 2nd semester is going to be a doozy, as I've been told by many 2nd years, and It's important that I man my battle stations prior the fun!  
         I have been studying quite a bit, and I will say that I've never studied this much in my life.  I can't believe that I have spent 5-7 hours in the medical library grinding it out on several weekends.  In fact, I'm in the library as I write, making flash cards so I can study my condensed notes over break.
         I was so excited about the break that I finished my presentation that is due the day after break in Clinical Reasoning already.   There are several presentations that are due by the end of the semester as well.  Overall, the rest of the semester is very doable, and was nothing compared to when Anatomy was in session.  
       

November 6th...Last Day of Anatomy!

          It is a real relief to be finished with Anatomy, but honestly I don't think that was the real hump of PA school.  I've been thinking a lot about the Spring semester as being one of the determining factors to know whether I have a hold on PA school, or PA school has a hold on me!  We are in a period of brief cool down actually, and the 2nd year students say we should enjoy our time right now, because Spring semester is going to be sizzling!  We start out with 6 courses in our Spring semester, so I can only imagine the rigor that we will endure.  I will confront the beast with as much preparation as I can attain.  I was told by my 2nd year PA buddy that I should consider being knowledgeable on EKG's during the winter break because it comes fast in the Spring.  Often, this holds students up because of the difficulty apparently. 
          Aside from that, we started Physiology, and are working in several groups accomplishing about 3 projects.  I am enjoying the class with the medical students, which is Clinical Reasoning, and have learned a moderate amount on how to approach a case in a clinical aspect.  I have more fuel then I had in the beginning actually, and I think it's because we are beginning to hit more core courses that I have great interest in.  We have a 3 day weekend, so I'm going to attempt to make the most out of it by studying and working on some project material tomorrow.

" One day at a time "

Today Was Our Last Anatomy Lecture!

         Today was our last Antomoy lecture on the Limbic system and the Hippocampus.  It feels almost like a relief, but in actuality the battle is still not won.  This Tuesday, November 6th, is our last ( 4th ) exam.  Everyone is preparing themselves to rumble in the jungle.  I know that I would like to do well just to make sure that I don't drop a letter grade since I'm boarderline.   Tonight, even though Friday, I think I"m going to just do all my cleaning/laundry so I have the entire weekend to accomplish school work.

       This week was fun, and we had another interview practice session with the Theatre students, whose primary role is to give us a hard time throughout the interviews.  Speaking for the group though, I know we have shown tremendous improvement since we've had enough repetition in what type of questions that we ask our patients.  I'm learning that there is no such thing as the perfect interview, and there is always something small to improve upon, similar to life in general. 

      So, after November 6th, we start Physiology as well as continue to work on several types of group projects....

Happy Halloween!

         Here we go October 31st, and only 1 week left of Anatomy.  It's so amazing that the Holidays are just flying by, I just don't think about important dates anymore, except if it allows us a break from school! haha  We have 6 days off for Thanksgiving, and 3 weeks off for Christmas, of course I'm looking foward to both! :)

Currently Studying For My Last Anatomy Exam!!!

           Right now I'm sitting where the lead meets the paper, and it's about 10:00pm on a Tuesday night. Today we discussed the molecular processes of the eye, and how the retina, along with it's photoreceptors percieve light, along with many other concepts, that I can barely remember.  It's about the 11th out of 15 lectures that we will be examined on.  There is a metric boat load of information to understand, and the art of retaining it, is to condense the material.  It's important to condense, and discuss some topics with my classmates so we can study faster, and go over material that is more time efficient.   The game plan is to stay up till about 12:30a, and crash because tomorrow we don't have class until 10a.  So that allows us to sleep in, and I'm thanking the 1st year medical students that they have an exam, because a typical Wednesday entails being at the campus at approximately 8a...

Recently...

Recently, a lot has been going on with school, and we are about to finish Anatomy! Our last exam is this upcoming Monday.  We are investigating Neurology, and it's going fast like the rest of the material.

On another note, I have been privilaged the position of becoming the Community Care PA Officer, and will have the opportunity to give back to our community by assisting in running free clinics that they have access to.  There are several hats that  I will wear in this officer position, and I'm looking forward to this unique experience! 
I'm starting to realize though that there are many other aspects to PA school than just going to the courses, and I'm enjoying it more and more...

"Don't get close to fire, not expecting to sweat"